Post by Persephone on Aug 13, 2015 19:58:35 GMT -5
Greetings all! My name is Persepone de Hades, and I am a Black Swan. I'm the co-founder, along with queenofblades, of The Sanguinarian Swan Support Alliance.
I've been fascinated by the word "vampire" for most of my life. Of course, all I knew of it at the beginning was the Hollywood version, the Dracula of Bram Stoker along with Carmilla and Nosferatu. But I never viewed the vampire as a monster, in fact, I alwas felt an empathy for the creature. I felt that they weren't choosing their condition, and that their quest for blood was simply a biological imperative that they didn't know any other way to satisfy. Yes, I was a weird little kid, lol.
In New York City (Gotham) in the 1990's, a game emerged, called "Vampire: The Masquerade." It was through this game that the vampire subculture in the Gotham Halo became popular. Limelight hosted parties, as did Mother and a few other venues in the East Village. It was through this subculture that, after getting to know people, I became friends with a few who considered themselves "real vampires." That is, aside from the pseudo-spirituality and roleplaying games, these people were in fact convinced that they suffered from some kind of energy deficiency which could only be alleviated by consuming human blood (I didn't become aware of other methods of feeding until much later). After getting to know these people, and becoming close friends with a few of them, I was convinced as well.
The problem was always how to find a willing donor without having them think one was mad and, if a donor were secured, how to safely draw the blood. Keep in mind that there was no internet at that time; we were all flying by the seat of our pants, going on hearsay and the reported experiences of others. Temple of Set, Temple of the Vampyre, and other clans reportedly held blood rituals, but these were not appealing to most of my sanguinarian friends (sanguinarian is, quite simply, "blood drinker"). They didn't want to be involved in anything mystical or, in some cases, downright dangerous. And while I admit that I had a thoroughly good time at the parties and events, I certainly wasn't about to go offering my jugular to people whom I didn't know and who were involved in blood play as a fetish, at least for the most part.
Over time, we learned. The AIDS scare was in full bloom back then - we had lost so many people by the end of 1989 that it seemed as if the nightlife in NY had become a ghost town - so clean blood was of utmost importance. But for some reason, a lot of people seemed uncomfortable asking their donors to be tested (and donors were, by the same token, shy of asking the sangs that they knew). I've never understood that - sharing blood, which is the very essence of life, is a hugely intimate act, in many ways more intimate than sex. If you don't know someone well enough to be comfortable asking them to be tested, why on earth would you think you know them well enough to allow them to feed from you (or you from them)? I saw a lot of things. I saw people, a lot of them women, flocking to whoever said they were a "real vampire" with the notion that they (the donor) could be "turned." I saw people using blood as a sexual tool. As an aphrodisiac. I saw many, many people who came out as "real vampires" being openly scorned, told that they needed to be hospitalized, that there was "no such thing." Okay, maybe there is "no such thing" as a vampire as they are described in literature. Of course not. While I don't discount ANYTHING just because there is no proof, I will agree with the established notion that it is EXTREMELY unlikely that there are people rising from their graves, drinking blood, and turning others into their kind. However, there ARE people who have a need for the energy they get from blood.
I began donating to a few very close friends. Mostly, we would use a lancet to make a small incision, from which the vampire would feed. Generally on the breast, the neck, or the thigh (although the breasts and thighs always have held sexual significance for me and I tend to only allow that kind of feeding if there's already a sexual relationship present). We learned about wound care from medical texts. We learned the difference between merely dontaing blood (being a donor) and being someone who actively supports the vampire lifestyle and its members (a Black Swan - a term that became popular during the Masquerade days and one which has stuck, despite texts by a certain fangsmith claiming that the term is no longer in use; guess he's not invited to the gatherings that we attend). I made it mandatory that I be tested along with anyone who was going to feed from me. We learned about storing blood, what would happen if you drank too much (blood is a purgative, so you WILL vomit), about what happened if you didn't get enough. Bonds were forged, friendships that have survived the test of time. I've lost a lot of people along the way, but those who have survived with me are some of the best people I know, and they're all as different as any other group of people. Not one of them thinks that they are immortal.
I became romantically involved with my last vampire in 2006. We had run in the same circles for many years, but had never met. When we did, it was like fireworks. I have never, before or since, felt such a deep bond of spiritual and emotional connectedness with anyone else. He disclosed to me that he was a sang, and I became his Swan. A few times over the nearly 9 years we were together, I would donate to someone else, but only ever in his presence and with his consent. He fed from someone else once, but told me that the blood didn't taste the same and that he preferred mine. We built a life together, lived, worked, played together. He was the love of my life. He passed away this past spring, after a short illness from which my blood could not save him. We never thought it could. I haven't donated since then, but I'm not opposed to it. Unfortunately for me, I've equated donating to romance in my head, and I have to change my mindset back before I can feel open to another sang.
I am currently involved in quite a few online groups and I see a disturbing trend in the community. I'm witnessing a lot of newly awakened sangs and psis coming into these groups with notions that they have magical powers because they feel the urge to drink blood, or that they are somehow mentally ill. These kids don't know where to go or what to do. I would have expected those who have been around longer to offer to guide them, to be available to mentor them, teach them what to do. Instead I see them being bullied, mocked, or misdiirected. I see them being told that they need to buy fangs or books or jewelry or whatever. I see them being roped into a LIFESTYLE. And it bothers me a lot. That's why my co-founder and I decided to start this community. There is no reason that a young person who is awakening to their sang side, or one who is finding themselves wanting to donate, should be sent running in circles for information. They're not crazy, they're not stupid, they're not roleplaying. But they ARE confused. Many of them come into the groups and introduce themselves by made up names, claiming to be demons or otherkin or werebeings or whatever. This is not going to help them live their lives and, in the long run, it will most likely cause serious problems.
I am more than happy to answer questions. I would like to be able to help as many people on this forum as possible. Please, if you have anything you'd like to know, don't be afraid to ask.
I've been fascinated by the word "vampire" for most of my life. Of course, all I knew of it at the beginning was the Hollywood version, the Dracula of Bram Stoker along with Carmilla and Nosferatu. But I never viewed the vampire as a monster, in fact, I alwas felt an empathy for the creature. I felt that they weren't choosing their condition, and that their quest for blood was simply a biological imperative that they didn't know any other way to satisfy. Yes, I was a weird little kid, lol.
In New York City (Gotham) in the 1990's, a game emerged, called "Vampire: The Masquerade." It was through this game that the vampire subculture in the Gotham Halo became popular. Limelight hosted parties, as did Mother and a few other venues in the East Village. It was through this subculture that, after getting to know people, I became friends with a few who considered themselves "real vampires." That is, aside from the pseudo-spirituality and roleplaying games, these people were in fact convinced that they suffered from some kind of energy deficiency which could only be alleviated by consuming human blood (I didn't become aware of other methods of feeding until much later). After getting to know these people, and becoming close friends with a few of them, I was convinced as well.
The problem was always how to find a willing donor without having them think one was mad and, if a donor were secured, how to safely draw the blood. Keep in mind that there was no internet at that time; we were all flying by the seat of our pants, going on hearsay and the reported experiences of others. Temple of Set, Temple of the Vampyre, and other clans reportedly held blood rituals, but these were not appealing to most of my sanguinarian friends (sanguinarian is, quite simply, "blood drinker"). They didn't want to be involved in anything mystical or, in some cases, downright dangerous. And while I admit that I had a thoroughly good time at the parties and events, I certainly wasn't about to go offering my jugular to people whom I didn't know and who were involved in blood play as a fetish, at least for the most part.
Over time, we learned. The AIDS scare was in full bloom back then - we had lost so many people by the end of 1989 that it seemed as if the nightlife in NY had become a ghost town - so clean blood was of utmost importance. But for some reason, a lot of people seemed uncomfortable asking their donors to be tested (and donors were, by the same token, shy of asking the sangs that they knew). I've never understood that - sharing blood, which is the very essence of life, is a hugely intimate act, in many ways more intimate than sex. If you don't know someone well enough to be comfortable asking them to be tested, why on earth would you think you know them well enough to allow them to feed from you (or you from them)? I saw a lot of things. I saw people, a lot of them women, flocking to whoever said they were a "real vampire" with the notion that they (the donor) could be "turned." I saw people using blood as a sexual tool. As an aphrodisiac. I saw many, many people who came out as "real vampires" being openly scorned, told that they needed to be hospitalized, that there was "no such thing." Okay, maybe there is "no such thing" as a vampire as they are described in literature. Of course not. While I don't discount ANYTHING just because there is no proof, I will agree with the established notion that it is EXTREMELY unlikely that there are people rising from their graves, drinking blood, and turning others into their kind. However, there ARE people who have a need for the energy they get from blood.
I began donating to a few very close friends. Mostly, we would use a lancet to make a small incision, from which the vampire would feed. Generally on the breast, the neck, or the thigh (although the breasts and thighs always have held sexual significance for me and I tend to only allow that kind of feeding if there's already a sexual relationship present). We learned about wound care from medical texts. We learned the difference between merely dontaing blood (being a donor) and being someone who actively supports the vampire lifestyle and its members (a Black Swan - a term that became popular during the Masquerade days and one which has stuck, despite texts by a certain fangsmith claiming that the term is no longer in use; guess he's not invited to the gatherings that we attend). I made it mandatory that I be tested along with anyone who was going to feed from me. We learned about storing blood, what would happen if you drank too much (blood is a purgative, so you WILL vomit), about what happened if you didn't get enough. Bonds were forged, friendships that have survived the test of time. I've lost a lot of people along the way, but those who have survived with me are some of the best people I know, and they're all as different as any other group of people. Not one of them thinks that they are immortal.
I became romantically involved with my last vampire in 2006. We had run in the same circles for many years, but had never met. When we did, it was like fireworks. I have never, before or since, felt such a deep bond of spiritual and emotional connectedness with anyone else. He disclosed to me that he was a sang, and I became his Swan. A few times over the nearly 9 years we were together, I would donate to someone else, but only ever in his presence and with his consent. He fed from someone else once, but told me that the blood didn't taste the same and that he preferred mine. We built a life together, lived, worked, played together. He was the love of my life. He passed away this past spring, after a short illness from which my blood could not save him. We never thought it could. I haven't donated since then, but I'm not opposed to it. Unfortunately for me, I've equated donating to romance in my head, and I have to change my mindset back before I can feel open to another sang.
I am currently involved in quite a few online groups and I see a disturbing trend in the community. I'm witnessing a lot of newly awakened sangs and psis coming into these groups with notions that they have magical powers because they feel the urge to drink blood, or that they are somehow mentally ill. These kids don't know where to go or what to do. I would have expected those who have been around longer to offer to guide them, to be available to mentor them, teach them what to do. Instead I see them being bullied, mocked, or misdiirected. I see them being told that they need to buy fangs or books or jewelry or whatever. I see them being roped into a LIFESTYLE. And it bothers me a lot. That's why my co-founder and I decided to start this community. There is no reason that a young person who is awakening to their sang side, or one who is finding themselves wanting to donate, should be sent running in circles for information. They're not crazy, they're not stupid, they're not roleplaying. But they ARE confused. Many of them come into the groups and introduce themselves by made up names, claiming to be demons or otherkin or werebeings or whatever. This is not going to help them live their lives and, in the long run, it will most likely cause serious problems.
I am more than happy to answer questions. I would like to be able to help as many people on this forum as possible. Please, if you have anything you'd like to know, don't be afraid to ask.